nathan

I'm going to start a new job on Monday! It's Saturday right now, about 4pm. I've just sent over all the documents they requested for me to fill out, including a biography. I can't show it here, because it might show up in searches, but I think it was nice. I was worried I sounded like I was bragging - always worried about that - but my partner said it sounded sweet.

I've always got a bit of imposter syndrome. I've worked in an office in a managerial role for like 5 - 7 years but somehow I always think I'm going to mess up in an administrative role. I think I might feel like this whenever I get a job in the project management field. My previous boss used to do this thing with me every once in a while where we'd go out for a walk together or go outside the office together and look at the lake or the trees and she'd just tell me that I was doing a good job, and that I was very helpful to her. I think this was probably something she wished someone had done for her, because she had told me once she worked over her capacity in a previous role and always felt burnt out. But I think it's thanks to her that I learned the value of setting boundaries and not being too hard on yourself, so I think I will try to repeat what she did for me, only this time in a more meditative way, I guess.

I got the stomach flu on Thursday. Totally brutal, even my back still hurts from throwing up. I dropped about 7 lbs just from throwing everything up. I'm trying to lose weight, but fluctuating like that will just set me back. I hate throwing up and will stay in nauseous misery just to avoid it. But sometimes you can't, and Thursday/Friday was one of those days. I ended up missing two appointments that I had booked just before I started working because I was concerned about taking time off. That's some bullshit.

Also, good news, I got my CAPM! Passed on the first try. I don't know why I worried so much, it was pretty easy after all. And thank god, that shit was expensive.

Hello! My name is Nathan. I'm 27, my pronouns are he/they, and I'm from Ontario, Canada.

I haven't written anything creative or even written anything for fun in a really long time. I haven't really been having fun in a really long time, either, so I guess that's why. I'm writing my first post here actually because I am procrastinating.

I went back to school recently and graduated with a certificate in Project Management. Most people ask me why I did that and what Project Management means. I tell everyone the same thing I'm typing here. I lost my job July 2023 and stayed unemployed for 6 months. I've had a job since I was 12 years old - you think I'd be able to get any job at all. No luck, though. I decided I needed to do something drastic. I was living with my mom again, and I was running out of money, so I took the next logical step: I asked the good people of Reddit what I should do. A few suggested I get into Project Management, so I started down this rabbit hole of folks who had made the switch, and it seemed like something I'd be good at with all my management experience and my special interests.

After graduating, I decided that the next step was to get a Big Boy Certification. The first certification I can get with my experience is a CAPM (Certified Associate in Project Management). I bit the bullet, spent about $400 on the exam + a prep class, and scheduled my test for this Friday.

I honestly have no fucking clue why I decided to schedule my exam a week after deciding to take it. I was thinking, "Okay, I have three tries at this exam, let's just take it and see how it goes!" Which I don't think is necessarily wrong, but maybe I was being a bit impatient? I've been out of school for over a month, so it's still kind of fresh in my head, but I'm kind of concerned that I'll be wasting a perfectly good try. I think that's why after booking it, I felt like: oh fuck. Then I booked the prep course.

I found this out a bit late, but my school was teaching me the 6th edition of the PMBOK (Project Management Book of Knowledge) and the 7th edition has Been Out. I'm going through the prep course and realizing that while the content is the same, it's all reorganized in a different way. It's kind of overwhelming thinking about my exam in two days.

I also did another impulsive thing. I was spiraling a bit looking over my notes and thought to myself, "I could really use a massage. When was the last time I had a massage? I bet that would mellow me out." Then I booked a damn massage for tomorrow morning. It was like $115. I have no idea what's wrong with me, but something tells me that it's a small worm that lives in my brain.

I think booking a massage kind of stressed me out again, and I started thinking about journaling again. Next logical step: I asked Reddit. Now I'm here. I'm procrastinating. I'll admit it. I'm supposed to be studying, but I've been pissing around on Dreamwidth, trying to figure out how to use it. I gave up and just decided to write a post. I'm sorry if I'm somehow unaware of some kind of format or formality when posting here. I don't know how to do anything yet, but I'm sure I'll figure it out.

In the mean time, feel free to say hi! Is there a comment function on posts? If you see this and read this far, definitely say hello! I don't know how following works on the site yet, but I'd like to follow some people. I think I saw a function where you can 'pin' a post, so I'll figure that out and talk more about myself on a different post.

Nice to meet you!

Nathan (he/they)
5 February 2025